Silent Worries and Unsaid Words
by StarKatt427
Summary: On the brink of possibly finding out the truth about everything, Alphonse begins having doubts as his fear takes over. And, of course, a certain older brother will be there to fix this. - Brotherhood/manga based.


**Disclaimer: I don't own the world of FullMetal Alchemist: Hiromu Arakawa is the creator. **

**A/N: I actually wrote this one pretty quickly (it's really not long), and I shall warn you... IT IS VERY FLUFFY! Oh yes, I went all out with the fluff, and if that's not your thing, don't read it. Anyway, this is based off of the events in episodes 20 and 21 of Brotherhood, and it takes place during "Advance of the Fool" after Ed kicks Ling and Lan Fan out of the room and Winry storms in. This story consists of moments that really just popped into my head, and I honestly didn't imagine placing a story here and like this until it just came to me. I hope you enjoy AND review!**

**StarKatt427**

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><p><em>After all, we're brothers! We share the same blood. -<em> Alphonse Elric

_That's right! The two of us together makes one person! -_ Edward Elric

FullMetal Alchemist, Volume 11

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><p>Silent. That was how Alphonse sat, inert and without need or want to move; at least not for human, flesh reasons. While he remained motionless, his mind was racing, thoughts and ideas and theories battling for dominance. As it was impossible for him to get a headache now, the closest thing to it was the feeling of being overwhelmed, exhausted; this wasn't the first time he'd wished, begged, prayed for sleep, but it didn't come, as usual. Sleep was another world away, one with smells and touch, sensations of another time and place.<p>

No one could be silent like Al could, except for when he decided to move. When he did, the hollow scraping of metal filled the room as he lifted a large arm up, placing his fist against the helmet that was his head.

His body. His _real _body. It actually existed.

Still somewhat in shock, he couldn't believe the lightness he felt, the sheer relief to know that his true form was still thriving, still alive somewhere, and that somewhere was The Portal of Truth, where it received, if Edward's theory was correct, nutrients directly from Ed's own body.

If that had been the only news of the night, Al wouldn't have felt so emotionally wiped out, but tonight was also the night that he'd learned the truth about the thing they (he and Edward) had brought to life almost four-and-a-half years ago; because Edward had gone home and dug up the creature's remains and discovered that it hadn't been their mother. And while it was a tremendous relief to know that Trisha Elric hadn't died a second time, it had terrified him to realize that for just one moment, his soul had been bound to that twisted being.

After Edward had explained everything to him, Alphonse had felt a wild panic flare in his soul at the realization: if that hadn't been their mother, what had happened to his body?

Ed had quickly calmed this fear into a small ember of nervousness, which had developed into a bright flame of hope and anxiousness, but a good kind of restlessness. He was ready to resume their search, to get his original body back and reclaim Brother's lost limbs, to right the wrongs they had committed that night.

He just hadn't expected Edward to come up with a plan so quickly.

True, finding a homunculus could turn out beneficial and yes, it could help them learn more about the truth concerning what was going on, but the first thing that had come to Al's mind was their problem of being unable to capture one of the creatures. Homunculi looked and seemed human in appearance, but with their unnatural capacity for regenerating, speed, and unique abilities, it would be nearly impossible to secure one.

Unless you happened to have a Xingese prince and his minder who were both able to sense the homunculi's presence.

Ling Yao, twelfth prince of Xing, and his bodyguard, Lan Fan, had struck a deal with the Elrics: they would help them capture a homunculus if they got to examine it and find out the truth about its "immortality".

Of course, Edward had accepted, and Alphonse had let him, even as the first shadow of doubt planted itself in his thoughts and left him uneasy. Capturing a monster would be easier now, but what would they lose doing it? Edward already got injured enough, and Al really didn't want to let that happen anymore than necessary.

On top of all that, Ed had discovered while away that Scar, the mass murderer Ishvalan who was killing off State Alchemists left and right, had murdered Winry's parents during the war. Alphonse had always wondered how they had been killed, but murder never crossed his mind, and it made him feel violently ill. The thought of Winry knowing, and what she would do with that knowledge, frightened him, but his fear was nothing compared to Edward's and they both knew it.

So, in the last few hours, he had had quite a lot of information thrown at him, and now he sat, palm to his head, trying to take it all in and not lose his mind as he waited for Edward to return from the front desk of the hotel.

He heard Winry's words in his head, and he heaved a shaky, hollow sigh. _Just promise you won't do anything too dangerous._

Was that even possible anymore?

Edward came in minutes after this thought entered Alphonse's mind and quickly retired to the bathroom to prepare for bed, once again leaving Al alone with his worries. It wasn't too bad though, with Ed actually being near this time. Even with a door between them, Al felt calmed by his brother's steady presence.

A quarter after eleven, the bathroom door opened, along with a room full of steam, and Edward immerged, clad in boxers and a tank, hands in his damp hair as he fluffed it up to dry. His shoulders stooped slightly, the way they did when he hadn't been getting enough sleep, and his eyes had slight circles beneath them. Automail limbs like steel leeches on his shoulder and thigh, Edward looked smaller for some reason, more like a child and less like the young adult he was, and something twisted painfully in Al's soul at the sight.

Edward stretched, throwing his arms up behind his head and holding his metal wrist with his left hand, extending his back muscles as he walked over in front of the couch Alphonse sat on. He gave the younger boy a crooked, confident if sleepy grin as he stretched his neck, and said, "Big day tomorrow."

"Yeah."

Something in Edward's gaze shifted at Alphonse's tone, almost like he knew all the things that were bothering Al, gnawing away at his earlier peace and happiness. His eyes narrowed slightly, eyebrows furrowing, as he searched Alphonse's face for any emotion; but there wouldn't be any visible, not with the mask hiding his expressions. Knowing this was futile, Ed sighed, giving Al an exasperated smile that was not in the least exasperated but secretly very soft, and reached out, gently tapping his automail hand to his brother's helmet. "Geez, Al. Relax. Everything's gonna be fine."

Seeing that smile, Alphonse could almost believe it would be.

2:27 AM. Nighttime, but part of a new day. Al sat once again, only this time on the bed opposite his brother, simply staring at nothing, his mind far away.

At the moment, he was lost in a memory, one he hardly ever brought up with Edward because of the older boy's easily wounded pride, but one that had been mentioned earlier by none other than Ed himself. He remembered the day they both had proposed to Winry, Alphonse beating Edward to it, managing to make it to her house faster than Ed did; of course, he _had_ used some alchemy to block Brother's way, but that wasn't the point. He could still remember Winry watching him curiously with those big, hypnotic blue eyes of hers and hear her asking why he was so out of breath.

Quickly and with all the eloquence of a four-and-a-half-year-old, he had asked her to marry him.

Winry had laughed that bright, joyful laugh of hers, blushing in a way that was more flattered than embarrassed. Smiling radiantly, she had told him, "Thanks, Al, that's really sweet. And you know I'd pick you over Ed any day."

"So you mean—"

"But I just don't like men who are shorter than me."

She hadn't been rude, or made fun of him, but had simply stated the fact, still smiling that angelic smile.

At the time, Al had been convinced he loved with her more than anyone had ever been in love, almost as much as he had loved his mother, and after Winry's rejection, he had become uncomfortable being around her for a while, even knowing she had rebuffed Ed as well. The only satisfaction came from knowing that she, if he _had _been taller than her, would have picked him.

Now, years later, Alphonse knew that it had been a childhood crush, puppy love, and while he was still amazed at how caring and beautiful she was, he would never have romantic feelings for Winry.

Especially since Edward did, and Al would never hurt Ed in something so intimate.

Al would have been smiling at the memory if he'd had a real mouth. It was a nice one, and he didn't have that many nice ones anymore.

Suddenly, Edward flopped over noisily in his sleep, causing Al to jump slightly. Left arm hanging over the bed, covers wrapped around his calves and feet, the fifteen-year-old boy's breathing came deep and even, and Alphonse found himself watching Ed sleep for a moment.

2:29. Al felt his lightened mood slip away as he glanced at the clock, knowing Edward would be up in a few hours and they would begin the mission. His gauntlets, already in fists, tightened on themselves.

"Hey."

Alphonse looked across the room to see Edward watching him, turned onto his side and eyes heavy lidded, but alert. So caught up in his dread had he been that he'd never noticed when Ed turned over once again, this time to face Alphonse, hadn't notice Ed's golden eyes blearily open into slits, then widen until his eyelids were completely lifted. Edward had stared at him groggily in the darkness, watching the moonlight reflect off his armor body. Al's stance, all hunched and brooding, had immediately tipped him off that something wasn't quite right, even through the haze and lure of sleep, and he had watched his brother's fists pull tighter.

Now, Al gazed over at his brother, Ed's features hidden mostly in shadows but completely clear to Alphonse.

"Hey," Al said, trying to push his dark thoughts away. "What's wrong? Can't you sleep?"

Edward sat up, a hand going to push his long bangs out of his eyes as he threw a leg over the edge of the bed so that his foot touched the floor. "I could ask you the same. Not the sleeping part, I mean, but what's wrong."

Desperately hoping that Ed couldn't pick up on his mood, Al said, "Nothing's wrong." He made his tone lighten until it nearly achieved its usual joking quality. "I think the lack of sleep's finally catching up with you, Brother."

Edward wasn't fooled. He gave Alphonse a soft glare. "Quit lying. Now what's up?"

Sometimes, it was amazing just how Ed could read Al's emotions, even though he didn't have a real face; it could simply be the way he sat or the tilt of his head, the way he fiddled with his hands. His older brother was just that in tune with him, and Al was the same with Edward. Still, it would be nice if Edward wasn't so damn perceptive all the time.

It was a love/hate relationship for Alphonse when it came to Edward worrying about him: while he loved to be thought about and shown fond emotion from Ed, it meant that his brother wasn't being as careful defending or taking care of his own self.

So, once again, Al brushed the question off. "I'm fine."

This time, Edward flat out glared at him, clearly annoyed that he was being lied to by his own little brother, the person he trusted above all others. "No, you're not. Tell me."

"No."

"Why not?"

Alphonse groped for an excuse and ended up using the most simple, childlike one ever utilized: "It's none of your business."

Edward's eyes hardened, but then his frown slowly lifted into a triumphant smirk, making Al leery. The older boy leaned over, placing his hands on his knees as he grinned, and Alphonse realized that while Edward was giving him this smug look, his brother's eyes were surprisingly offended and intensely hurt, like it really was such a bad thing to have Al lying to him. "So you admit there's something wrong, you just won't tell me?"

Al realized he was caught by Edward's quick thinking and amazing ability to absorb every word he heard and understand every secret meaning. He sighed, knowing he would have probably ended up breaking against the strain and telling Ed everything anyway. "Yeah."

Ed lifted himself up from bed and walked over to Al's, sitting down next to the large armor and keeping several inches between them like was customary. He was silent for a moment, until he asked, not looking at Alphonse, "You're nervous about tomorror. Aren't you?"

Al, without glancing at Edward, replied, "Yes."

"Don't be. We'll capture a homunculus and finally find out what exactly they are and where they came from."

"I guess."

"Don't give me that," Ed growled with a frown, tone turning stern as he lifted his eyes up to Al. "We _are _going to do this, and I _am _going to get your body back."

"And your arm and leg."

Edward's frown vanished and was replaced with a strange half smile as a secreted, wistful look glazed his eyes over for just a moment, and then it vanished and he looked down. "Maybe."

Al loathed that look he had seen in Ed's eyes, one that was far away and closed off, one that represented a place Edward never allowed anyone to enter, not even Alphonse. It was a place where he kept his darkest fears and thoughts, the possibilities he didn't want to think about, the memories he refused to bring up, the hopes he was too afraid to believe might not come true.

Alphonse's voice became firmer. "Not maybe. We're doing this together or not at all. I don't get my body unless you get your limbs."

Edward looked back up, smiling wryly, almost proudly. "You're really stubborn, you know."

"I'm like you in that way."

He laughed fondly, scratching at his head and pulling his long blonde hair over his shoulder. "Yeah, you are."

They sat, silent, neither knowing how to resume the conversation.

2:35.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to Alphonse, Edward said, "You know I'd never let you get hurt, right?"

Al's gaze locked on Edward, even though Ed wasn't looking at him, and he felt something that was almost like a laugh exit along with his words. "You thought _that's _what was worrying me?"

Edward pouted slightly, crossing his arms and looking up from the corner of his eyes, an amusing sight. "Well, yeah."

Alphonse smiled to himself at how silly his brother could be sometimes; like he didn't know _that _already. But that was just how Edward was, always wanting to make sure he _did _know and remembered it.

"Brother, I already know that. I've known for years."

Ed blinked once, twice, and gave a small nod as, still frowning, he looked away. "Okay. Good."

Alphonse sighed, imagining how it would feel to give an ironic smile and wishing he could. Quietly, he said, "I'm worried about you, not myself."

Edward's head jerked up and he eyed Al with wide, surprised eyes, and Alphonse looked steadily back at him, trying not to flinch away from his brother's slightly confused gaze.

Regaining himself, Ed closed his eyes in a haughty smile and jokingly punched his automail hand against Alphonse's shoulder. "C'mon, Al. I'm always fine, aren't I?"

"No."

For a moment, Edward couldn't even speak, he was so shocked. He sat, silently staring at his brother as it hit him that this was the first time Alphonse hadn't agreed with him on the topic. "W-what?" he asked quietly, voice breaking in a strangely fragile way, making him sound horribly young and alone.

Hearing Edward's soft question, Al nearly shut the dam up, nearly shoved the words from his throat and back into his chest, but he couldn't, didn't. "You always get hurt," Alphonse mumbled, glaring at his hands, unable to look at Ed's slightly betrayed and stunned expression any longer and knowing he was the cause of it. Still, he didn't stop speaking. "It might not be serious, and it might be, but it doesn't matter to me because you get _hurt_ and I can't do anything about it. You…could have died at Lab 5. You _do _understand that, don't you?"

Edward continued to watch Al, barely breathing as he took in and digested his brother's words. "Yes."

"It…terrified me. Always does. I know it's not my job to keep you safe, but I can with this body, and I want to. Because I really don't want you to get hurt." Al glanced up at Edward, just for a moment, before looking away once more. "I'm…scared. About tomorrow. You could get hurt or I could or anything could happen and I'm really just…afraid, is all."

The words came out before he could realize what all he was saying, and his metal frame began to shake as self abhorrence and shame took over. He hated himself for being so weak, for being afraid of losing Ed. Of losing himself. He wished all of his fears would leave: worry over Winry, anger towards Scar, the unanswered questions about the homunculi and this whole entire country, the fear and hope and discourage he felt sometimes as they searched for a way to get back to normal; because what if that really _wasn't _achievable, _wasn't _a possibility? Hands balled tight, Al tried to stop trembling, even as he wished there was nothing more he could do but cry and knowing it was an unachievable luxury.

Edward's bottom lip was caught under his top, eyes excruciatingly sad and guilt filled at making Alphonse worry and seeing him with so much anxiety; knowing he was not the best person to deal with this but, at the same time, _was_, because he was Al's older brother, and he knew Al's heart better than he knew his own. Ed hated seeing his brother so timorous and emotionally drained, and what was even worse was knowing that _he _was the main reason Alphonse worried so much.

Seeing the giant suit of armor that held the gentle soul of his baby brother this tenuous and scared caused a gaping, bloody hole to worm its way into Ed's heart, making his chest constrict and ache, and the words he wanted so desperately to say caught somewhere in his throat. He hadn't told Al just how much he meant to him in years, and he couldn't exactly remember how to now.

Ed swallowed past the lump in his throat and looked away from Alphonse.

And so they sat, both quiet and unmoving.

2:40.

Alphonse finally managed to force himself to stop shaking, and he sat up straight, feeling horrible for having put all of that on Ed's shoulders and wishing he could take the words back inside himself; at the same time, though, he was glad to have voiced the inner chaos he felt. "Sorry, Brother," he mumbled quietly, clasping his hands together and locking his giant fingers. "I shouldn't have said anything. Sorry."

It came as a shock to Alphonse when he heard more than felt Edward fall against his him, the older boy's head cocked downward and expression hidden. If Al had had his actual pale gold eyes, they would have widened at the emotion his older brother displayed, but instead he simply sat, unsure. "Brother?"

"Shut up," Ed murmured before burying his face in the side of Al's armor body, pressing his cheek and nose and forehead against the cold metal. His words held no threat or menace, and were instead very shaky and thick, almost with tears but not quite. Although Alphonse couldn't feel it, Ed sighed softly, lips touching the armor for just a moment, then looked up and met Al's gaze.

Al felt his breath catch, metaphorically speaking, at the sight of his brother. Edward looked at him with large, very bright golden eyes, a tiny quirk of a smile on his face. Silently, he lifted his arms up halfway, waiting, expecting, and his smile turned just the tiniest bit guilty, in the way children's do when they want something they're not sure if they can have.

And Alphonse felt his hands begin to shake as he realized what Edward was doing.

Ed was not a person to allow others to see him vulnerable, except for Al, and he barely even did then. He was by no means an unemotional, coldhearted person, but he kept so much bottled up to protect others and himself that he had difficulty articulating things and chose to express himself more with actions instead of words. Still, at the moment, Alphonse understood he was seeing his brother at his most susceptible as Ed allowed himself this moment of tenderness, waiting to see if Al would reject him or let him in.

Quiet, so very quiet that Al could barely hear him, Edward said, "Come here, brother."

Al wished he could cry once again, because his eyes would have been flooded with tears right now as Edward waited hopefully, having just called him the one word he saved for moments such as this, when Ed could think of nothing to say that could sum up to how much Al meant to him, how much he was a part of his heart. Extremely careful, Alphonse turned to face his brother and lifted his large metal arms until his hands touched Ed's. Edward, with his flesh hand, gripped one of Al's gauntlet for just a moment, before letting go and allowing himself to slowly fall forward, just as Alphonse did, and then he had his arms latched around Al's large body only somewhat awkwardly; not because of the sheer amount of emotions he felt, but because it was hard to hold all of Alphonse at once.

Cautious of how hard he touched Edward, Al placed an arm around Ed's small back, a hand landing gently on his spine, and Edward shuddered involuntarily, placing his forehead against the coldness of Al's metal chest. With his other hand, Alphonse briefly touched Edward's head, then moved it to rest softly on his broad shoulder.

Even though he couldn't feel it, Al could hear Edward's metal hand scrape over the armor as he pulled it into a fist, his other hand still flat against the icy chest plate.

And no more words were necessary, because the action was so pure and amazingly comforting that Al knew what Edward wasn't saying: he loved him, and it didn't matter to him if Al was afraid. He understood Alphonse's fear and didn't think any less of him for it, but loved him all the more, because it was something that proved he was human; Ed understood these shadowy qualms, as they were the same fears he himself experienced. Alphonse's hold on Edward tightened, and he carefully rested part of his head on Ed's shoulder, mindful of the large spike that adorned his forehead. He heard a low sound exit Edward's throat: a soft, peaceful laugh that Al had never heard until now, and he knew Ed was smiling against his armor.

They both knew they would worry always, especially over each other; they were brothers, the same blood, and together, they made one person. Once heart, one soul. Alphonse felt a comfortable peace settle over him and he allowed the red-white lights that were his eyes to dim in the way someone would close their eyes as he felt a warmth flood his soul, almost like he really _could _feel Edward.

There wasn't need to worry over anything, at least for tonight; it could all wait until morning, and it could wait because Edward was here and Alphonse loved him so much. So, for tonight, Al wouldn't let that fear consume him, and he allowed the dark curtain to enfold his doubts and close around them.

After all, Brother was with him, and they could do anything together, right?

Right.


End file.
